


Too Sober for This

by anxiouslowercase



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Brothers, Gen, also tim and jay are hella close, and everyone can fight me, and the bird boys know it, the n52 was a fever dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26905156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiouslowercase/pseuds/anxiouslowercase
Summary: There are things Tim would rather not even imagine. Jason thinks they're hilarious.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	Too Sober for This

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! I originally posted this in my tumblr when someone requested a Jason and Tim drabble with the 'im too sober for this' quote. Since I genuinely believe most of the N52 is an actual fever dream, I thought this would be appropriate. I hope you enjoy it!

“… And I think I hooked up with Kory at some point which, yeah, I get that I’m better than Dick, but I wouldn’t do that to him.” Jason continues his narration, completely unfazed by Tim’s slight look of disgust and merely sipping on his tea. “Plus, aliens aren’t really my type.”

“Didn’t know you _had_ a type.”

“What I said was that I _am_ everyone’s type, but of course I _have_ one.” He even looks offended, but the younger boy is quick to roll his eyes and take his attention back to his computer, in front of which he’s been crunching data for hours on end now. However, the action is once more interrupted as Jason continues. “You were there too.”

There’s not an immediate answer, but the sudden stop of the keyboard noise is every bit of one to someone who knows Red Robin as well as he does.He smirks and doesn’t even bother to look away from the book he’s once again raised, all too sure he’s back to being the center of attention.

“You were actually fucking insufferable, you know? A real jerk. Which I know I call you that sometimes, but this was just another level entirely, made me kinda miss you a bit.” Tim resists the urge to roll his eyes again, and just stares at his brother instead, a deadpan expression on his face.

“Careful there, Jay, someone might actually think you like me.” Far from being offended, the other merely nods.

“I know, but you should’ve seen it - awful guy, really. And you weren’t even that good, you know? Terrible detective, a show-off, _hideous_ fashion sense…”

“Is there a point to this, or just an excuse to trash talk me?”

“Point is,” Jason says, louder. “You were just a fuckboy. Still kind of a nerd, I guess, still a stupid millionaire, but _definitely_ a fuckboy.” He throws a scone into his mouth, all but humming in delight as Tim just squints at him, somehow a bit offended for the blatant insulting - even if they aren’t directed at him _per se_. Still, he lets out a deep sigh and turns his attention back to the screen, pretty sure reacting in any way just won’t do. “A very horny one, at that.“

A pause. Tim frowns.

“I don’t–”

“Couldn’t keep it in your pants. Which as much as i still believe would be healthy for you, even _I_ think it was a bit too much.” He finally turns to him again, a serious expression on his face. “Tim - are you _really_ repressing that many urges, do you _want_ to jump everyone?”

There’s another pause, in which Jason looks actually concerned, to the point to which, were this not his brother, he would’ve believed him. But he is, so instead of being touched he just looks like he swallowed something very disgusting. Which, technicalities aside, is pretty much what happened.

“I’m too sober for this.” And _that_ is what finally makes the hint of a smirk to tug at the Red Hood’s lips.

“I mean it babybird! Cause now I got to thinking - what if _that_ was your true self? If you are just hiding all that for fear of being judged?” He’s about to get an answer, probably with some colorful insults, if the other’s face is anything to go by, but he quickly closes his book and continues, trying to hide his amusement. “Like, you were all bickery at this random new version of Clark Jr., in true ol’ B. fashion _but_ then you got a bit too close and there sure was some tension - which i guess you take after the old man, too–”

“Stop saying I like Kon!”

“Hey, Timbers,” once again there’s that stupid mask of seriousness that the boy just _knows_ to be fake already, but that doesn’t stop Jason from going through with it and reaching out to him comfortingly. “It’s okay to be gay.”

“Fuck you” he swats his hand away and, just as he had anticipated, he laughed. Damn idiot.

“I’m kidding, you weren’t gay.” Before Tim can complain about his previous difamation however, he’s quick to continue. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m _sure_ you got it going with the younger Supes, but you _also_ fucked that other friend of yours, the Wondy Girl.” In all honesty, he doesn’t know whether to leave or throw up. “And for some good time, at that, which hey, good on you, I didn’t know you had that kind of stamina in you, babybird - to please a god-slash-amazonian related woman for that long? You dog.” Jason punches his arm with a sneer and his brother goes so red in the face there has never been a better time to done the Red Robin mantle.

“Shut up, Jason.”

“I wonder if you got your own Trinity sandwich action,” he continues, ignoring him. “Kryptonite boy seemed preeeetty fond of her, too…”

“ _Please_ shut up, I’m too sober for your nonsense” if the way he keeps sinking into the couch is any indication of how uncomfortable he is, Jason pays him no mind.

“Not that I can blame any of you, really - she actually looked quite fine” he seems pensive for a second. “I never would’ve imagined it, normally, but there was _something_ about the whole bad girl look… I actually wonder if–” But there’s no way of telling _what_ exactly he was wondering, for a very disgusted-looking Tim is quick to throw a particularly thick case file at his head before trying to physically take him down. He laughs though, just pissing his brother further off. “Wait, wait! I didn’t even get to the part in which you fucked your speedy friend’s girl and blamed it on a demon!”

Tim _hates_ that he’ll be the one having to raid the cellar not to throw up in his dreams that night.


End file.
